You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
