Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
