DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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