we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
