where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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