it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
