You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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