OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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