I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
