"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
the liver wants what the liver wants
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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