Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
