No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
