I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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