Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm jealous of your bromance
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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