He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
