tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
