I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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