Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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