If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
