just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
