Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Randomize
