I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
