We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
