i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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