the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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