Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
