My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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