My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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