Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
