I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
