Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
