Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
