Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
no, he came in my armpit
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
