He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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