it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
