where am i from again
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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