i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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