I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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