My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
