Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize