Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize