Plan B is the new Plan A
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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