I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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