my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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