Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just invented taco cereal.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
