Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
