You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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