dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
third nipple confirmed
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
