hotel room ftw
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
