Apparently you make a good broom.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
