Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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