I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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