new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
last night I used snow as a chaser
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