remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
