I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
