question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
