So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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