Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
