I showed him my bush... on skype.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
