I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize