I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
