The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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