There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
