i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
