i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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