I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
