she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
