I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
