I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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