I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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