Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
