I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
