I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Randomize
