The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
