I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
