that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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