god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
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