After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
