I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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