how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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